Respect My Money! How One Simple Tip Can Earn You $50

My wedding is extraordinary and gorgeous.
My wedding is extraordinary and gorgeous.
My wedding is extraordinary and gorgeous.

That is my daily mantra as I take on the hard lessons in this process of sealing the union between me and Amen-Rah.

I have been scratching my head in disappointment at the gimmicks that people pull when you call about venues, vendors, and all things related to weddings.

Let me be honest, weddings are a cash cow industry, and companies, corporations, and people have been exploiting something that should be pure love.

Number #1 Question I DESPISE is, "What's your budget?"

I woke up in the middle of the night with a voice telling me that I will never tell any possible vendor my budget AGAIN.

All I am sure about is that every person will respect my hard-earned money.

How do you do that? I am still working on the resolve. And frankly I need your help. That is why I have made my first recession proof giveaway on better ways to negotiate a venue vendor.

Help me by helping you. I am dishing out $50 from one of the tips that you give. And I need some good advice.

Beauty Ain't This Painful: Waxing

I first shaved my legs when I was 25, and got my first wax at 31. There are many reasons why I didn't shave, but one of them was not because I was not hairy. Honey child, my legs are like comedienne/actress, Mo'Nique, beyond fuzzy to down right bush baby.

You see my mom frowned on shaving, so I had to do what the old schoolers did, slather the follicles down with lotion. Then when I got older, I was au naturel for a minute, and bucked the man for an unshaven calf, but silently craved to tame the beast on my legs.

However, I have some serious horror stories with shaving my pits and bikini line from razors, to depilatories, to an outrageously painful waxing that occurred back-in-the-day. Unfortunately, I have an ugly scar on my calf from a shaving experience with a straight-edge eybrow razor. Long story, but I strongly recommend to never shave when you are pissed off at a boyfriend.

Later on I gave waxing another try when I moved to Atlanta some years ago. Shayna of "Spa on the Go" gave me a pretty low-pain experience. Actually, there was very little pain at all. My legs were fairly painless, my thighs were more sensitive, but it was a cool experience as we talked and laughed for about an hour. I was so relieved I thought my previous waxing experience when I was a high-schooler was fantasized---until I tried it on my own again.

Yup, I was wrong. That shit hurt like ouch. But since waxing was out of my grad school budget at the time, I go through torture. About twice a year, I do the rip-and-yelp dance for about 3 hours and end up with smooth spots, sticky skin and small patches of blood with some fuzz.

I so admire Mo'Nique, honestly I do. However, I too look at her legs and am not feeling it. Such a contradiction for my hairy self; and a person who realizes that European art emphasizes hairless women to disempower their presence, I know that much of social chagrin is rooted in Western culture.

Nevertheless I want smooth and shiny gams for my wedding and I know I gotta start now. The last thing I will do on my wedding day is walk like a bowlegged cowboy because my runway got ripped the day before.

To get my body on a consistent hairless regimen, I gave myself a full leg and bikini wax last week. Shit, it was painful.

But I was adhering to the advice of my girlfriend who told me she gets it all taken off regularly. According to her, it really stops hurting. I dropped my mouth in amazement.

I mean a sister of color getting a wax is more of a challenge due to our coarse hair. Blood in the pubic area is standard, but my friend swears that experience childbirth pains three times immunized her from a lot of things she thought were unbearable before.

Nonetheless, I am still asking, "Why is beauty so painful?"

love and balance
darker than blue

Silent Grace in a Needed Lesson

I have been thrashing and worrying about not finding a reception hall. I have been screaming and cursing. I have been nervous and envious. I have been in self-pity.

Within these past weeks I have gone through so many emotions that I exhausted myself. "No mas" my weary mind was telling me last night as I scratched off more reception potentials.

I could not help think, "What is it that I am doing wrong?" or "What is it that I am not seeing." When I told my mom I wanted something that was different and not the typical stuff around the corner, she said that I was acting "bourgeois".

I was offended and silently blew her off. But am I acting pompous? Yeah, I am. But there was more in her tone. She was simply saying, "Don't go beyond your means." And often in weddings I hear that people who have limited cash flow end up struggling for real.

So after I pouted and went to sleep in a huge puddle of pity I awoke early this morning with some things on my heart.

I am understanding why I keep falling short. They are not failed attempts. They are not indicators that my wedding will be a disaster. These delays, closed doors, and no's are the spirit telling me that I must re-route myself to my true destination. I embrace the simple complexities and contradictions of myself and I move forward with an open mind.

I know that this is not about me, but this process is for me and a community that is embracing a union I made with Sun-Rah a long time ago. Before we arrived in these bodies.

I will listen with my heart, as I did with Sun-Rah.

And yes, there are some venues I will review again. I missed something. And I know that the LIGHT is shining on me and walking with me on this.

love and balance