My Natural Hair Wedding Journy

I had dreamt about having flowing and beautiful on my wedding day, but cut them 10 months before my wedding. On my big day, I wore my hair in splendid cornrows and twists with golden embellishments as seen above. The ending result was from a beautifully challenging journey of re-learning my natural hair.

My locking journey

I had worn 2 sets of locks for a little over 11 years. I loved my hair with a love I never had for any natural hairstyle. My locks became my children. I didn't let any and everybody touch them, and if I went to someone who was subpar, I would cajole my locks and soothe them because I knew when my hair didn't like the treatment.

I started locking in 1999. It was something I wanted to do so bad and finally conjured up the courage to lock. I must confess, some of it had to do with Lauryn Hill's beautiful mane and E. Badu, but shortly after, I found out that both started locking with faux locks, or synthetic hair.

E. Badu actually never locked her hair, but wore faux locks. In the natural community that was a serious faux pas. I remember E. Badu responding to the criticism by saying something like, "I may have processed hair, but I don't have a processed mind." It was a great comeback, but I was one of those sisters who was disappointed.

Nevertheless, that did not deter my process. I went to the IFBA, a locking shop in Leimert Park, an area known for black arts in Los Angeles. After about an hour I walked about when I realized that the woman was weaving my hair similar to sister locks. I wanted the old school palm roll locks. A beautiful version of Bob Marley ropes. So I went to a woman named Renee, who goes by the name of Mama Nene. Her locks swing by her thighs. They were thick and beautiful and shining.

Mama Nene worked at Good Fred's in Los Angeles. It is an old school unisex salon that is a legend in the black community. Everyone knows La Rutan, Good Fred's for either the eccentric owner, Good Fred, or the lively activity that goes on in the shop.

I went to Mama Nene and she told me to wash my hair frequently and allow it to lock on its own for about 6 months. She said my hair would begin to form these baby locks or thick tangle strands naturally. All I had to do was keep them separated, clean and moisturized.

As I later found out, it sounded a lot easier than it was. The photo above is my second time locking. It was a lot easier because I knew what to expect, but the first time around was very difficult. I was a journalist and wore my hair wrapped almost every day for about 6 or 7 months. I was ashamed of my wild child, knotting hair. And I was ashamed that I was ashamed of my hair. Me? The queen of naps, didn't like what she saw, and it resonated to the world because I didn't get a date for about 8 months.

I dealt with feelings of being unattractive and the most natural state of my hair. No gels, no press and comb, no comb at all, just locking.

I came face-to-face with what the media had told me all my life was ugly, my kinky African hair and all of its complexities. Some of the men folk thought I was crazy and some women (all black) told me in various ways that it was unprofessional. In Los Angeles in the late 90s, locking was not trending and really not cute.

I wasn't in the comfort of being on the East Coast anymore where women were way advanced in locking. I was in the weave and extension capital. Beauty was defined by the length of the weave you wore or the fake curly hair you attempted to get so you wouldn't look too black, but something like an ethnically vague woman of color.

I had to learn how to love me and my hair and get over my vanity.

Also, I learned that wrapping your hair was slowing down the process of growth because my scalp wasn't breathing. I am also still convinced that sun on our hair provides essential nourishment. So I made a bold decision to let my hair be free, and thus I freed myself from many hang ups.

As time went on, I began to really, really love my hair and its versatility.

I created a regimen that was doable and inexpensive. I learned how to roll my own hair, and begin to explore multiple products that were natural and for textured hair.

I went through goo-gobs of products, but learned that simplicity worked the best for me.

There were lots of highs with my hair, and some low points. I loved my hair when it was washed, rolled, braided and let go in a cascading crinkle. I loved it in the sun and I loved the compliments, especially by people who had never seen locked hair nor have been close to it. One of the few things I hated were people who thought they could come and touch my hair as if I were a zoo animal. Most of the time it was white folk who were amazed and some black people that were inquisitive. I would get the common statement from women, "I could never wear my hair in locks. This looks good on you." Yawn.

But my hair was fabulous.

But something in me itched about cutting them for a year leading into my engagement in February 2010. A woman once asked me, how many beds have your locks lain in? Though it was a legitimate question, it wasn't the reason why had cut them. I got married at 35, and quite frankly had been in quite a few bedrooms and am not ashamed to say I have lived, neither was my husband.

We were mature about the fact that we had lived, but there was something to say about the energy I had picked up along the way.

I wanted to cut my locks, which were almost down to the base of my back because they were heavy and the energy of them was driving me out of my mind. I used to be a lifeguard and am a water baby, and I began to have difficulty in swimming years before because my hair became cumbersome. One vivid experience was when I was in Culebra, Puerto Rico and got caught in some rough waves. Things got very scarey when my hair wrapped around my face and neck making it difficult for me to breathe or see.

The photo below is me on the trip in 2009. Though I loved the knotty dread rides again, I didn't like that I was being hindered from enjoying my favorite form of exercise, swimming.

Also, hair has energy and my locks were personal antennae that picked up peoples emotions and thinking. Sounds crazy, but ask anyone with locks, how extra-sensitive they get around people.

But overall, it was time for a anew. I had several lock stylists combine my locks without me knowing and several nights of clipping some off, and my edges were getting real thin.

So I did the unthinkable. Cut them off in the middle of winter, January 2009. My husband who is a barber had the pleasure of shearing my hair and putting some creative designs.

Though it was such a relief, my head was cold. Yikes, what was I thinking. So I wore caps and knitted headgear for about five months to grow out my hair.

One thing I didn't expect was the hard process of re-learning how to comb and care for my hair. When I cut my locks I discovered that my edges were very fragile and had thinned more than I knew and my scalp was very dry and damaged. I was heart-broken. My scalp was dry and itchy and needed a lot of TLC.

Even though my hair looked "soft" and healthy, it was brittle and two seconds from falling out. I ordered all type of products from Carol's Daughter to African Formula. They offered an initial relief of providing moisture, but it was only temporary. Within days my hair was dwindling and my scalp was sore from scratching.

To make matters worse, the harsh elements of Jersey cold weather and the heat, plus the chlorine from the indoor pools, along with the hot yoga was such a challenge. I didn't know what do do.

On top of that, as a grad student, I had limited financial resources to take care of my hair. Six months after my wedding engagement my husband and I had an engagement party in his home state of New Jersey. I waited for the last minute to get my hair done and thought it would be an easy process.

The woman I wanted, Ndjetti, was booked, and the other alternatives were dirty braiding shops in New Jersey. I decided to take a chance on a new shop that had just opened, Cut Creators. The co-owner Omar put a product of honey in my hair and worked his magic.

After two months doing hot yoga, my hair was a mess and undernourished. I thank Omar for the hair and Kamal for the eye threading.

My wedding was 2 months away and I had to continue to get into shape and take care of my hair. I was using simple oils such as coconut oil, but the temperature's in the Bikram yoga studio were killing my hair follicles. A friend recommended I use Darcy's Botanicals daily conditioner and hair cream.

This started to help my hair begin to thicken and soften.

I also had my aha moment when my future sister-in-law ran down her hair regimen, something that I had not had in a long time. I started to do things like co-wash, and rinses and lovingly comb my hair. Yes, I thought wonderful thoughts when I combed my hair.

By the time I was ready for my engagement photos, I was quite proud of my afro. I call it afrolicious because it was thick, untamed and sexy.

One of my bridesmaids, Tasha, suggested that I go to her natural hair stylist, and I am glad I did. I was still tender-headed and feared braiders, but this sister was gentle and she saturated my hair in needed shea butter. She added some synthetic hair for my twists at the top, and sent me on my way to jump the broom with Duane Reed.

Nine months later I have learned so much about my hair and myself. I am still that wild child who lets her hair do its thing. But I respect the delicate nature of my textured hair.

I have created my own hair cream and working on an oil that is heavenly.

That's me in South Africa this past January 2011, one year after the big chop. Enjoying my fro and good company.

Hair Myths or Hair Facts? You Decide

Essence.com posted an article on hair myths, see if you agree with Tia Williams' post.

Top Five Black Hair Myths

What's true and what's not when it comes to black hair? celebrity hairstylist Ursula Stephen set rumors straight.

By Tia Williams

While it goes without saying that we adore our grandmothers, some of the hair gems they passed down to us could be filed under "Old Wives Tales" (raise your hand if you thought white hair naturally grew faster than Black hair). Here, we sat down with celebrity hairstylist Ursula Stephen -- she's responsible for Rihanna's trendsetting tresses -- to get the real deal on the top five Black hair myths.

MANE MYTH: Trimming your hair will make it grow faster.

TRESS TRUTH: "While frequent trims are great for removing split ends, they don't actually make your hair grow faster," says Ursula. That being said, don't skip your trims! If you ignore split ends for too long, they can creep up the hair shaft, and then you'll need to snip off more than you bargained for. Regular snips every 6 to 8 weeks will keep your coif looking crisp and clean.

Click here for more of the story.

Hair Preparations for the Big Day

Healthy hair starts months before your wedding. Begin to think about and explore the various ways to wear your hair, as well as, ensure that your hair is its healthiest.

There are several things that are a must to start that journey:

1. Eat lots of veggies and fruits. It is best to have a diet high in green vegetables, like collars, kale and turnip greens. According to Wholefoods, these green veggies have high nutritional density when compared to other fruits and vegetables.

Here is a little PSA for those who already eat collards. Please leave out neckbones and cooking your greens for hours because it kills all the vitamins and nutrients. You can cook greens under 30 minutes and they will be cooked. Yes, a little crunchy, but great for the body.

2. Drink Plenty of H2o. You absolutely must irrigate your temple with fresh and vibrant liquids. Water is a life necessity, and it will be absolutely beneficial by getting into the habit of drinking as much as you can a day, even after the 6 glasses of 8 ounces. Truthfully, that is just a guestimation based on the average person's build and weight, but the heavier you are, the more water intake you should be allowing.

A benefit to water is flushing out toxins, hydrating organs, skin & hair, plus losing weight. Yes, water helps with weight regulation. And I am not talking about Vitamin Water or Crystal Light. Clear and pure water.

3. Exercise. When you move, not only are strengthening muscle, shedding fat, and making your bones more durable, but you are also creating more blood flow throughout your body, thus producing more oxygen. The better the flow, the better environment for cells to produce skin, a healthy supply of air and blood to your scalp, thus it will help grow hair.

4. Air out your weave and/or de-stress hair roots. Rapid rates of hair loss have been attributed to weaves and stress on hair lines such as tight braids and ponytails. It is absolutely necessary that you keep your hair clean, and your roots breathing. Today's weaves and wigs are available by the dozen and in so many fabulous styles, but it is coming at a cost, they are made with cheap, toxic chemicals that are causing young women to start balding.

As well, stylists who pull the hair back too tight are gradually, permanently damaging hair lines especially at the temples. Case and point, the fabulous Susan L. Taylor's hair has become a quasi-push back due to years of the same cornrows spiraling down her back.

5. Understand the importance of scalp health when achieving or maintaining hair health. Your scalp is the root to great hair. Many of us pay attention to our hair with various products and forget the ground in which it spouts. If your hair is brittle, breaking, or you have dandruff, go to the root of the problem, your scalp.

It is recommended to through away thick pomades, oils, greases, creams and sheens that rob scalps of health because they clog the pores and shafts that hair grow.

6. Create a hair care regime. Just like you have an eating, exercising and praying schedule, put a hair care regime on the list. Your scalp and hair need to be a regular pamper session.

7. Reduce stress. Living in abundant stress not only slows hair and increases weight gain and the likelihood to develop health issues, but it also causes severe hair loss. Create ways to deal with stresses in a balanced and healthy lifestyle. My suggestion, take up a long, lost hobby you loved as a child, or always wanted to do. That puts you in a place of innocent pleasure without any strings attached.

7. Love your hair. For women of color, and women with curls, we are raised in a culture that does not celebrate our hair. Many of us have been subjected to hair care treatments since we were girls that changed our natural hair because it was too unmanageable or "nappy" as our female folk would call it.

Many of us cringe at our natural hair, or our hair period, and often curse in exasperation when combing it. Face it, we got kinks, it ain't going away. Matter of fact, it is something of extraordinary beauty, that many stare at in awe.

A perfect hair day is totally loving your hair.