My Natural Hair Wedding Journy

I had dreamt about having flowing and beautiful on my wedding day, but cut them 10 months before my wedding. On my big day, I wore my hair in splendid cornrows and twists with golden embellishments as seen above. The ending result was from a beautifully challenging journey of re-learning my natural hair.

My locking journey

I had worn 2 sets of locks for a little over 11 years. I loved my hair with a love I never had for any natural hairstyle. My locks became my children. I didn't let any and everybody touch them, and if I went to someone who was subpar, I would cajole my locks and soothe them because I knew when my hair didn't like the treatment.

I started locking in 1999. It was something I wanted to do so bad and finally conjured up the courage to lock. I must confess, some of it had to do with Lauryn Hill's beautiful mane and E. Badu, but shortly after, I found out that both started locking with faux locks, or synthetic hair.

E. Badu actually never locked her hair, but wore faux locks. In the natural community that was a serious faux pas. I remember E. Badu responding to the criticism by saying something like, "I may have processed hair, but I don't have a processed mind." It was a great comeback, but I was one of those sisters who was disappointed.

Nevertheless, that did not deter my process. I went to the IFBA, a locking shop in Leimert Park, an area known for black arts in Los Angeles. After about an hour I walked about when I realized that the woman was weaving my hair similar to sister locks. I wanted the old school palm roll locks. A beautiful version of Bob Marley ropes. So I went to a woman named Renee, who goes by the name of Mama Nene. Her locks swing by her thighs. They were thick and beautiful and shining.

Mama Nene worked at Good Fred's in Los Angeles. It is an old school unisex salon that is a legend in the black community. Everyone knows La Rutan, Good Fred's for either the eccentric owner, Good Fred, or the lively activity that goes on in the shop.

I went to Mama Nene and she told me to wash my hair frequently and allow it to lock on its own for about 6 months. She said my hair would begin to form these baby locks or thick tangle strands naturally. All I had to do was keep them separated, clean and moisturized.

As I later found out, it sounded a lot easier than it was. The photo above is my second time locking. It was a lot easier because I knew what to expect, but the first time around was very difficult. I was a journalist and wore my hair wrapped almost every day for about 6 or 7 months. I was ashamed of my wild child, knotting hair. And I was ashamed that I was ashamed of my hair. Me? The queen of naps, didn't like what she saw, and it resonated to the world because I didn't get a date for about 8 months.

I dealt with feelings of being unattractive and the most natural state of my hair. No gels, no press and comb, no comb at all, just locking.

I came face-to-face with what the media had told me all my life was ugly, my kinky African hair and all of its complexities. Some of the men folk thought I was crazy and some women (all black) told me in various ways that it was unprofessional. In Los Angeles in the late 90s, locking was not trending and really not cute.

I wasn't in the comfort of being on the East Coast anymore where women were way advanced in locking. I was in the weave and extension capital. Beauty was defined by the length of the weave you wore or the fake curly hair you attempted to get so you wouldn't look too black, but something like an ethnically vague woman of color.

I had to learn how to love me and my hair and get over my vanity.

Also, I learned that wrapping your hair was slowing down the process of growth because my scalp wasn't breathing. I am also still convinced that sun on our hair provides essential nourishment. So I made a bold decision to let my hair be free, and thus I freed myself from many hang ups.

As time went on, I began to really, really love my hair and its versatility.

I created a regimen that was doable and inexpensive. I learned how to roll my own hair, and begin to explore multiple products that were natural and for textured hair.

I went through goo-gobs of products, but learned that simplicity worked the best for me.

There were lots of highs with my hair, and some low points. I loved my hair when it was washed, rolled, braided and let go in a cascading crinkle. I loved it in the sun and I loved the compliments, especially by people who had never seen locked hair nor have been close to it. One of the few things I hated were people who thought they could come and touch my hair as if I were a zoo animal. Most of the time it was white folk who were amazed and some black people that were inquisitive. I would get the common statement from women, "I could never wear my hair in locks. This looks good on you." Yawn.

But my hair was fabulous.

But something in me itched about cutting them for a year leading into my engagement in February 2010. A woman once asked me, how many beds have your locks lain in? Though it was a legitimate question, it wasn't the reason why had cut them. I got married at 35, and quite frankly had been in quite a few bedrooms and am not ashamed to say I have lived, neither was my husband.

We were mature about the fact that we had lived, but there was something to say about the energy I had picked up along the way.

I wanted to cut my locks, which were almost down to the base of my back because they were heavy and the energy of them was driving me out of my mind. I used to be a lifeguard and am a water baby, and I began to have difficulty in swimming years before because my hair became cumbersome. One vivid experience was when I was in Culebra, Puerto Rico and got caught in some rough waves. Things got very scarey when my hair wrapped around my face and neck making it difficult for me to breathe or see.

The photo below is me on the trip in 2009. Though I loved the knotty dread rides again, I didn't like that I was being hindered from enjoying my favorite form of exercise, swimming.

Also, hair has energy and my locks were personal antennae that picked up peoples emotions and thinking. Sounds crazy, but ask anyone with locks, how extra-sensitive they get around people.

But overall, it was time for a anew. I had several lock stylists combine my locks without me knowing and several nights of clipping some off, and my edges were getting real thin.

So I did the unthinkable. Cut them off in the middle of winter, January 2009. My husband who is a barber had the pleasure of shearing my hair and putting some creative designs.

Though it was such a relief, my head was cold. Yikes, what was I thinking. So I wore caps and knitted headgear for about five months to grow out my hair.

One thing I didn't expect was the hard process of re-learning how to comb and care for my hair. When I cut my locks I discovered that my edges were very fragile and had thinned more than I knew and my scalp was very dry and damaged. I was heart-broken. My scalp was dry and itchy and needed a lot of TLC.

Even though my hair looked "soft" and healthy, it was brittle and two seconds from falling out. I ordered all type of products from Carol's Daughter to African Formula. They offered an initial relief of providing moisture, but it was only temporary. Within days my hair was dwindling and my scalp was sore from scratching.

To make matters worse, the harsh elements of Jersey cold weather and the heat, plus the chlorine from the indoor pools, along with the hot yoga was such a challenge. I didn't know what do do.

On top of that, as a grad student, I had limited financial resources to take care of my hair. Six months after my wedding engagement my husband and I had an engagement party in his home state of New Jersey. I waited for the last minute to get my hair done and thought it would be an easy process.

The woman I wanted, Ndjetti, was booked, and the other alternatives were dirty braiding shops in New Jersey. I decided to take a chance on a new shop that had just opened, Cut Creators. The co-owner Omar put a product of honey in my hair and worked his magic.

After two months doing hot yoga, my hair was a mess and undernourished. I thank Omar for the hair and Kamal for the eye threading.

My wedding was 2 months away and I had to continue to get into shape and take care of my hair. I was using simple oils such as coconut oil, but the temperature's in the Bikram yoga studio were killing my hair follicles. A friend recommended I use Darcy's Botanicals daily conditioner and hair cream.

This started to help my hair begin to thicken and soften.

I also had my aha moment when my future sister-in-law ran down her hair regimen, something that I had not had in a long time. I started to do things like co-wash, and rinses and lovingly comb my hair. Yes, I thought wonderful thoughts when I combed my hair.

By the time I was ready for my engagement photos, I was quite proud of my afro. I call it afrolicious because it was thick, untamed and sexy.

One of my bridesmaids, Tasha, suggested that I go to her natural hair stylist, and I am glad I did. I was still tender-headed and feared braiders, but this sister was gentle and she saturated my hair in needed shea butter. She added some synthetic hair for my twists at the top, and sent me on my way to jump the broom with Duane Reed.

Nine months later I have learned so much about my hair and myself. I am still that wild child who lets her hair do its thing. But I respect the delicate nature of my textured hair.

I have created my own hair cream and working on an oil that is heavenly.

That's me in South Africa this past January 2011, one year after the big chop. Enjoying my fro and good company.

Key Strategies to Disputing an Airline

1. Document and log everything. It is good to take notes during phone conversations.

2. Get everyone's name and title. If they refuse log the date and time you spoke to the person and the records of your call should show up.

3. Keep your telephone records of your phones just in case the records of you calling them are mysteriously erased in their data system.

4. When all else fails, go to the top. They are providing a service that you paid for and you have the right as a customer to complain to the CEO and board if need be.

5. Write a letter of complaint that incorporates solutions to better the services of the airline. It helps the company to know you are not just another nasty customer who wants to bash them.

6. Detail the person(s) who were unprofessional and explain why you were offended. These people should not be representing the company and I guarantee you are not the first dissatisfied customer.

7. Commend all those that helped in the difficult process. I wrote a commendation for three women that were very helpful in this case. The first one was the young lady at DELTA who took a concerted effort to help. I wish her the best, DELTA needs her, and certainly AIR FRANCE.

8. Keep copies of everything.

9. Follow up is the last important key to completing your complaint. If you don't hear from them, bug the hell out of them until you get a reply that is sufficient. Let me remind you that airlines are big companies and your sufficiency may exceed theirs.

Protecting Your Identification

When traveling internationally make two color photocopies of your passport and laminate them. Leave one with a trusted person at home and carry one with you on your trip just in case your identification gets lost, damaged, or stolen.

Also, in cases where you think your passport will get wet or lost, it would be wise to use your photocopied passport while your original is in a safe and secured place. Some places to store your passport while on your trip: place in a room, hotel or cabin safe; lock up your passport in a drawer; find a discrete place in your room to hide it; place it in the care of someone you know, I mean you absolutely know you can trust.

Going Tropical? Go Natural

When you are traveling to a tropical climate like the Caribbean, the South (during the rainy season), Brazil, Africa (during rainy season), leave all perfume and heavily scented body oils at home because the mosquitoes will definitely eat you alive. The combination of the chemicals in these sweet substances and the high contents of sugar in your blood (American and European diets are high in sugar) will get you nasty multiple bites that often leave ugly marks for months. On top of that you will be miserable and very uncomfortable, plus might increase your risk for sickness.

Use natural/organic and preferably unscented everything-----from your shampoo and lotion to the detergent you wash your clothes before traveling. It will make a difference. And please stay away from the hotel's free hair and body products because it is so sweet and filled with chemicals that the bugs love. The critters will be waiting for you to step outside so they can feast on you. The best thing to do is keep it simple and natural.

NATURAL PRODUCTS TO CONSIDER

Hair & Body Moisturizers- Pure Coconut Oil works many wonders; it also soothes sunburns and prevents sunburn. So instead of pouring on that stinky white thick sunscreen that has so many harmful chemicals, lather with coconut oil.

Soap - Unscented castile soap or glycerin soap. Castile soap can also be used as a shampoo.

Deodorant – Baking soda, natural crystal stone, spray or roll on, or an unscented deodorant.

Bug Repellant – Mix citronella oil with peppermint oil.

Internal bug repellant – Eat lots of garlic. I know this method sounds unattractive, but trust me when I say that while in the tropics a little garlic will not hurt your game at all, folks are not as pretentious. You will still get your groove on and quite frankly you will keep away colds and a lot of human bug-a-boos.

Friction Relief (FOR THE THICK WOMEN) - Oh yes, for those of us who have thick thighs and D-cups, many of us use baby powder to relieve friction. Use arrowroot powder instead. It is odorless and better on the body in terms of it absorbing natural substances.

Vaginal Odor and discharge - For one when I travel to tropical climates, it is usually hot so I try not to wear any panties. But hey, that's for the uninhibited. However, for vaginal odor, wipe yourself with PURE aloe vera gel, not the 99% gel in that big bottle. Go to the health food store and get some gel. Wipe yourself with a white cotton cloth or fabric. This will ease odor and itch. As for discharge, it can be many things so I would lay off of thongs, color panties, lots of sugar, and bring ALL NATURAL pantiliners. IF you go to the health food store, they cost about US $4.00 for 35 liners. It is a great investment you might want to use even after the trip.

Additionally, in the past people have recommended Avon's SKIN SO SOFT (this is not a natural product, but I've heard good reviews about it in African travel) as a mosquito repellent, but the smell was so strong for me I was gagging when I put it on.

Fighting an Airline & Winning

Two years ago my siblings and I arranged for our parents to go on a "romantic" trip to Paris for their 35th wedding anniversary. Unfortunately, the initial elation of the destination wore off as me and several family members, including my parents, went round-for-round with one of the undisputedly, "rudest", commercial airlines, AIR FRANCE…and won!

My mother being a French teacher, and from a French speaking region in Louisiana was floored by the surprise trip we presented to she and my father at their anniversary party. She never visited France, though teaching the language since the 70s. Why? Well, she had six children and as everyone knows that life happens. Everyone was teary-eyed when she jumped up-and-down after reading her itinerary. Finally, she would take a trip she had dreamed of so many years ago.

We booked the tickets in August so they could leave in September. However, their plans were stumped when my father became gravely ill, was hospitalized, and told that he could not travel. I phoned Air France to see what I could do and I was given instructions to cancel my first tickets, re-purchase some more then write to the airline's headquarters in Florida to request a refund. My mother and I followed the directions in detail and about a week before they were to board, I got my money back.

Their flight was out of New York, but they live in Los Angeles, so we arranged for them to arrive in NYC early enough to comfortably travel. Everything was going great until they attempted checked in. They discovered that AIR FRANCE cancelled the wrong tickets! That was when all hell broke loose.

For almost 48 hours we were embroiled in a nasty, and I mean nasty fight with some of the discourteous, unprofessional, and cowardice customer service people you ever want to come across. At first, I thought, hey, it was a little mistake by AIR FRANCE, they can fix it. All they have to do is just book them on the appropriate flight and they're off to gay Paris. Oh, but hell no, AIR FRANCE told my parents they would not honor their previously purchased tickets and that they had to pay the current rate which was almost $2000.00 more than the original price.

Of course they refused and demanded to speak to a manger. The people at the counter conveniently explained that they really weren't AIR FRANCE, but DELTA, and that my parents had to get in contact with the proper airline. Don't you just love beaurocratic bullshit?

Well, we started with customer service. That poor guy didn't know his arse from his the holes in his nose. So we asked for the guy's manager, who was such a nasty bitty, I still wonder how she got to be "manager" of customer service based in Canada. But that title is still in question because these people refused to give their names or corporate information when I requested it—totally out of protocol.

Then I called the headquarters in southern Florida, but the woman who brought up the case files also rejected my request to assist in getting them on a flight and also refused to give her name. This was after I waited for almost twenty minutes on my cell phone. It seemed as if everyone was double-checking with the other so that they wouldn't give the wrong information and stay in wrong position. However, they didn't know my family, we are relentless and we are strategists.

I can give you all the details, but just to let you know there was a lot of ball passing, playing dumb, and then finally, people hanging up on us when we called because they knew who we were. All along, we logged every detail of this fiasco. I even faxed and phoned the headquarters of KLM (a partner of AIR FRANCE), and AIR FRANCE's headquarters.

There was one ray of hope. I knew that AIR FRANCE partnered with DELTA, so I called Delta so see if they could clear up what had gotten into a shitty mess. I was on the phone for about three or four hours with the nicest customer service representative who indeed fought for me. She told me that AIR FRANCE was supposed to at the very least, offer my parents to purchase tickets at the rate they originally bought them and then commit to investigating the situation further so they could get a refund. She was very upset at the story I retold and went back-and-forth with her supervisor. The most she could do was to extend the original price through DELTA and my parents ended up buying a third pair of tickets.

By this time, my parents have spent a night in New York. The hotel in Paris told me that it was too late to cancel and the charges would still end up on my credit card. My mother, who suffers from rheumatoid arthritis was exhausted and doubled over in pain. Everyone was else was pissed!

Finally, when my parents went to check in with their new DELTA tickets the bastards at AIR FRANCE refused to honor them. It was on again!

Luckily, I lived in Atlanta at the time, the headquarters of DELTA. So I went to the office and requested to speak to the manager of AIR FRANCE. My strategy was the non-threatening, very rational black woman façade. So, I put on my Anne Klein suit and pulled back my locks, slapped on the heels, took the car to get a quick wash. Please, don't let my locks fool you. I've had a time or two, or three in corporate America.

Well, I got some answers and some progress. I spoke to the regional manager, who was quite polite. I asked if arrangements could be made so that my parents could be placed in first class. They weren't, but that was alright. They finally made it, a day late, but not a dollar short because DELTA refunded the third pair of tickets they purchased.

However, the fat lady did not sing. I wrote a detailed argument of the dilemma and sent it to AIR FRANCE's headquarters in Florida. They didn't respond to the first packet, but they did to the second correspondence. My parents were given approximate $500.00 back for the fiasco.

The process was very exhausting and I was very disappointed with AIR FRANCE. However, when I look at the photos of my parents that I have graciously shared, my mother's smile and my father's satisfaction are worth it. I would do it again.

Remedy for Seasickness and Bubble Guts

The cruise line industry has seen a huge surge in black travelers; especially black women. If you are a cruise fanatic or you are preparing to take your first trip—BEWARE—you might get seasick during your trip.

If you are trying to avoid that to happen, then get a cabin on the upper decks of the ship. Cabins in the lower decks rock more with the waves. During my first cruise experience I got this great deal on Hotwire.com, and caught the second to the lowest deck. I was heaving big time in the beginning.

No need to swear off cruises and get cold feet at the idea of the sea. A good remedy for seasickness is ginger.

You can cop it in a capsule as a powder; get it in a tincture (those small amber bottles with the little eye droppers); buy some ginger tea bags (get a strong herbal tea b/c some of those cheaper ones are diluted and ineffective); or if you can, sneak in some raw ginger root. Raw is the best, but for convenience, capsules and the tincture are fine. Just be sure to double up.

Ginger is also good for nausea and bubble guts. The properties of ginger soothe the digestive system. Many women use ginger for morning sickness during pregnancy.

Oh yes, let me mention a sex tip with ginger. This medicinal root stimulates the blood, It is a very hot herb literally, so if you sip on some ginger tea before sex, it will heat up your pyramidal structure and increases the orgasm. HELL YEAH!

This is also great for men's prostate which gives them a harder, stronger erection.

So don't be scurred. Get your ginger on!

Bewitching Cruise Germs

As I was boarding Royal Caribbean this summer, attendants stood at every door passing out Purel sanitary wipes. My first reaction was, "What the fu*k!?" Then there was this recorded message from the captain in each room explaining that there was a virus that was spreading, especially on cruise ships. He encouraged everyone to take safety measures, but also encouraged people to do civilized things like washing their hands and ass before they ate.

Cruise ships bring a whole wave of folk. Many of the travelers are from the United States, Europe, Austrailia, and Canada—with splotches of other nationalities. Also, much of the workers come from different parts. Then you have the day trips to different tropical islands that bring another element. There are so many factors in getting sick, but the main one is tht there is a huuuuuuuuggggggggggeeeeeeeeeeee cultural divide in the concept of cleanliness.

Other than the nightly vomit spots and secretions on some lawn chairs, you can come into contact with the serious shit—literally. Since I was a pool lifeguard for 10 years I don't care too much for chlorinated water, so I stay away from pools. The main reason—on several occasions, the swimming facilities on the ship was terminated because people defecated in the pool.

As a pool lifeguard, I know about these disgusting situations. In order for that to be completely removed, a pool's water has to gradually be sucked out while new water comes in while buckets of chlorine and acid (to balance the PH levels of the water). However, the Royal Caribbean used recycled water and that shit is not fly. Recycled water brings a host of illnesses that can be deadly to children, the elderly, and those with weakened immune systems. If you check out water parks, they must deal with that regularly.

During my time on the Royal Caribbean, I did not go into the pool area, but as a water baby and member of the black surfer's association I tried out a simulated surfer machine. I thought the water was like the other cruises where they siphoned water from the sea. This is much cleaner because salt is great for getting rid of infections. Every went into the ocean with a cut! Ouch!

Anyway, the water on the Wind Surfer was recycled and it was dingy as hell. So I was swimming in piss, suntan lotion, and all types of body secretion. The next day, my whole body was covered in uncomfortable hives.

Oh, but it didn't stop there. Children were throwing ice cream cones in the Jacuzzi. People were smelling like death ran over them twice. Then there were those that ate directly from the buffet trays with their fingers.

So cruise is pleasurable, but take your personal disinfectant and spray it in your room, and keep some at all times. It can be as simple as a small bottle of rubbing alcohol.