Respect My Money! How One Simple Tip Can Earn You $50

My wedding is extraordinary and gorgeous.
My wedding is extraordinary and gorgeous.
My wedding is extraordinary and gorgeous.

That is my daily mantra as I take on the hard lessons in this process of sealing the union between me and Amen-Rah.

I have been scratching my head in disappointment at the gimmicks that people pull when you call about venues, vendors, and all things related to weddings.

Let me be honest, weddings are a cash cow industry, and companies, corporations, and people have been exploiting something that should be pure love.

Number #1 Question I DESPISE is, "What's your budget?"

I woke up in the middle of the night with a voice telling me that I will never tell any possible vendor my budget AGAIN.

All I am sure about is that every person will respect my hard-earned money.

How do you do that? I am still working on the resolve. And frankly I need your help. That is why I have made my first recession proof giveaway on better ways to negotiate a venue vendor.

Help me by helping you. I am dishing out $50 from one of the tips that you give. And I need some good advice.

Beauty Ain't This Painful: Waxing

I first shaved my legs when I was 25, and got my first wax at 31. There are many reasons why I didn't shave, but one of them was not because I was not hairy. Honey child, my legs are like comedienne/actress, Mo'Nique, beyond fuzzy to down right bush baby.

You see my mom frowned on shaving, so I had to do what the old schoolers did, slather the follicles down with lotion. Then when I got older, I was au naturel for a minute, and bucked the man for an unshaven calf, but silently craved to tame the beast on my legs.

However, I have some serious horror stories with shaving my pits and bikini line from razors, to depilatories, to an outrageously painful waxing that occurred back-in-the-day. Unfortunately, I have an ugly scar on my calf from a shaving experience with a straight-edge eybrow razor. Long story, but I strongly recommend to never shave when you are pissed off at a boyfriend.

Later on I gave waxing another try when I moved to Atlanta some years ago. Shayna of "Spa on the Go" gave me a pretty low-pain experience. Actually, there was very little pain at all. My legs were fairly painless, my thighs were more sensitive, but it was a cool experience as we talked and laughed for about an hour. I was so relieved I thought my previous waxing experience when I was a high-schooler was fantasized---until I tried it on my own again.

Yup, I was wrong. That shit hurt like ouch. But since waxing was out of my grad school budget at the time, I go through torture. About twice a year, I do the rip-and-yelp dance for about 3 hours and end up with smooth spots, sticky skin and small patches of blood with some fuzz.

I so admire Mo'Nique, honestly I do. However, I too look at her legs and am not feeling it. Such a contradiction for my hairy self; and a person who realizes that European art emphasizes hairless women to disempower their presence, I know that much of social chagrin is rooted in Western culture.

Nevertheless I want smooth and shiny gams for my wedding and I know I gotta start now. The last thing I will do on my wedding day is walk like a bowlegged cowboy because my runway got ripped the day before.

To get my body on a consistent hairless regimen, I gave myself a full leg and bikini wax last week. Shit, it was painful.

But I was adhering to the advice of my girlfriend who told me she gets it all taken off regularly. According to her, it really stops hurting. I dropped my mouth in amazement.

I mean a sister of color getting a wax is more of a challenge due to our coarse hair. Blood in the pubic area is standard, but my friend swears that experience childbirth pains three times immunized her from a lot of things she thought were unbearable before.

Nonetheless, I am still asking, "Why is beauty so painful?"

love and balance
darker than blue

Silent Grace in a Needed Lesson

I have been thrashing and worrying about not finding a reception hall. I have been screaming and cursing. I have been nervous and envious. I have been in self-pity.

Within these past weeks I have gone through so many emotions that I exhausted myself. "No mas" my weary mind was telling me last night as I scratched off more reception potentials.

I could not help think, "What is it that I am doing wrong?" or "What is it that I am not seeing." When I told my mom I wanted something that was different and not the typical stuff around the corner, she said that I was acting "bourgeois".

I was offended and silently blew her off. But am I acting pompous? Yeah, I am. But there was more in her tone. She was simply saying, "Don't go beyond your means." And often in weddings I hear that people who have limited cash flow end up struggling for real.

So after I pouted and went to sleep in a huge puddle of pity I awoke early this morning with some things on my heart.

I am understanding why I keep falling short. They are not failed attempts. They are not indicators that my wedding will be a disaster. These delays, closed doors, and no's are the spirit telling me that I must re-route myself to my true destination. I embrace the simple complexities and contradictions of myself and I move forward with an open mind.

I know that this is not about me, but this process is for me and a community that is embracing a union I made with Sun-Rah a long time ago. Before we arrived in these bodies.

I will listen with my heart, as I did with Sun-Rah.

And yes, there are some venues I will review again. I missed something. And I know that the LIGHT is shining on me and walking with me on this.

love and balance

I Want to Be Free

I'm feeling a little blue today because I have come to a serious road block, but I am learning that the more you give energy into it, the bigger it will manifest.

I sending light to the stars and galaxies and all the ascended spirits to help me through jumping the broom. I am nervous about pulling it off without breaking the pockets.

Damn I respect wedding planners and I surely got love for mine. In the meantime as I sweat it out over a ceremony/reception site, I had to play a new video from a sister who shatters the boxes around her.

Reception Blues & Lessons from Disasters

Last night I went to a wedding reception of one of Sun-Ra's childhood friends. I am still recuperating from the complete mess.

I should've known it was a disaster when I noticed no one was smiling when we came in fashionably late.

I took some photos and went straight to the buffet because I was starving. There was ample food left so I was delighted.

I rocked back-and-forth as the Kompa/Compas (Haitian music) was playing. You know I get happy when I'm hungry and about to eat.

I moved the used ugly teal napkins of people who left and sat on a chair covered in a white, slightly molded looking cloth. "Okay," I thought, "This is a budget-friendly wedding."

And then I bit into the food...subsequently losing my appetite. Absolutely gross.

OMG, never mess with a hungry black woman!

I attempted to recover and look for an opened bottle of wine. I saw people who had bottles as I was coming in and went on a quick hunt because I soon discovered that there was only water, soda and iced tea since no one had a bottle opener.

WTF!

And get this, a member of the family became salty, stumbling after he put down an empty hennessy bottle when the groom gave away unopened champagne bottles! The brother of the groom told his sibling to stop and attempted to grab the rest.

It does get worst. A party-goer smashe her face by walking smack dab into a wall, and then the whole party leaves before the end of the party.

I was enraged, but then felt sorry for the bride who was attempting to save face and be apologetic between Pookie and them (the wait staff) collecting plates with ample uneaten food. It is sad to say that people were eating cake to quash hunger pangs.

I learned so much from this reception, but now I am sweating. Why? Because a sister does not have a reception or ceremony site and it is 6 months until the W-day.

My wedding planner and I are still on the hunt for a new reception hall after my horrible decision to get the Cabrillo Bathouse. I'm nervous y'all, I am not fronting.

Send light.

love and balance

darker than blue

The Power of Negotiation During a Recession

Since I am on the hunt once again for a reception site, I have been slightly nervous. My date is 10-10-10, a hot wedding date that people are also preparing to jump the broom. But what I am forgetting is that we are in the midst of economic crises that has tabled a lot of events for at least the next 2 years.

When a venue representative emailed me out of the blue the other day asking if I was still interesed, I told her that her place was too expensive. I added that I would consider the place if she offered a discount. She told me she was willing to negotiate, now I am waiting for her numbers.

I was flat out surprised! Now I know that negotiating is a must, even if there was not a recession. Often as women we don't negotiate like we should; however, there is a new day, I'm gonna be haggling like Imma a likkle street vendor until I jump this broom.

love and balance

darker than blue

It's Not Back to the Drawing Board, I Don't Think So..or is it really?

Planning a wedding long-distance is nerve-wrecking for a borderline type-A person like myself. And what I am learning is patience and collaboration.

Before I hired a wedding planner, my sister helped me pick out a reception site, the Cabrillo Bath House. To prepare for decor, my wedding planner visited the site and gave it a quadruple thumbs down.

Here are some of the issues she found out:
Bad lighting
Horrible paint job
Paid parking
Under-maintained building
Second floor venue with crappy elevator
Undesirable bathroom
Hidden fees in the contract

Her reasons paralleled mine, including some things in the contract she pointed out that could be problematic. I must admit I have not seen the contract because my sister filled it out. This is a huge mental note, and an admitted huge mistake. Never commit until you read every damn thing.

Also they had this shitty policy about beverages that was insane! We could only use a beverage vendor by the name of Monterey Concessions. Not only was the lady whom I spoke to rude, the information she quoted over the phone was different than what she emailed. Bad sign, and honestly, I did not have a good feeling about it.

Eulina thought I would be pissed, but honestly, I knew that this might happen, so hey, as Jay-Z says, "On to the next one."

I must say, I really enjoy my wedding planner, she is helping me make smarter choices.

love and balance
darker than blue